Family Dynamics Analyzer Mugs

'I'll tell you why it's called paradise. No mother-in-law!'

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

'Mother, NOT with the crochet hook!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

Polygamists' Picnic

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Common Core Family Therapy

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

He wanted a different one.

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

"Having nannies really changes you."

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Origins Of Evolution

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."