Family Dynamics Analysts Gifts

'We must be great parents...our children all hate us.'

"I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home dad if I didn't have stay-at-home kids."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

'I demand a DNA test.'

Common Core Family Therapy

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

He wanted a different one.

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Origins Of Evolution

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"