Friendship Evaluator Gifts

No more neurotic people in my life, but will I be bored

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

And when we came home, the entire anthill was gone... It was awful, Mom - but at least Harry and I still have each other...

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"So, next week, if it's okay with our wives, wanna have another playdate?"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"I see that grading papers for the teacher is going to your head."

"Finally, it's Spring! I missed you! Let's go and play!"

"Juicy worms?! Oh yes, they're my favourites too..."

'Hey, scratch my back and I'll scratch your back.'

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

Sex Score

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'You guys are real friends!'

Facebook 33 A.D.

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

McHappy

Look...a friendly face.

'I had my accounting department run a cost-benefit analysis on you and I have some bad news.'

Talk of charities 'providing their impact' is dangerous and misleading.

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

'Come on, I did it for you...'

"Is this book a true story or is it true it's a story?"

It's always nice to get together with other cartoon animals and compare notes

'All right, I'll fight you if you insist, but I hope we can be friends afterwards.'

"God, if you can help me find a seat by my friends, I'll listen to my teachers, do my homework and clean my room..."