Unfaithfulness Analyst Prints

'-you would tell me if there was someone else, wouldn't you, Doris

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Just because your mother devoured your siblings and not you didn't mean she valued you any less. She was just full."

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

'They sort of grow on you.'

The whole club stands behind the coach...

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"Don't fight us, Timmy. We have numerical superiority."

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"