Love Investigator Gifts

'Woodruff, find out everything you can on a crazy thing called 'love'.'

'I'll need four character references.'

Social worker dating

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

A sentimental woman talking to her lover on a ship

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Real Estate Personals

Tasty.

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"It's not what you think."

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Now give me something intimate to say."

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"My aloofness is a mask."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

Wait

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'