Love Investigator Gifts

'Woodruff, find out everything you can on a crazy thing called 'love'.'

'I'll need four character references.'

Social worker dating

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

A sentimental woman talking to her lover on a ship

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Real Estate Personals

Tasty.

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"My aloofness is a mask."

"It's not what you think."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'We've been happily married for five years, but we've been married for eight.'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

Tunnel of Life and Love

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."