Love Researcher Gifts

'Woodruff, find out everything you can on a crazy thing called 'love'.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

His and Hers Wedding

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

A sentimental woman talking to her lover on a ship

Real Estate Personals

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"My aloofness is a mask."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

But Darling, how could I possibly have an affair?

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"It's not what you think."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."