Love Researcher Gifts

'Woodruff, find out everything you can on a crazy thing called 'love'.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

His and Hers Wedding

A sentimental woman talking to her lover on a ship

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Real Estate Personals

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"My aloofness is a mask."

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"It's not what you think."

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

But Darling, how could I possibly have an affair?

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"