Love Scholar Gifts

"My brain can no longer maintain the intense neural activity of infatuation."

'Sorry I didn't call after our first date. I thought I'd go to college, law aschool and work for awhile to impress you enough so you'd go out with me again.'

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"I'm texting you a love poem inspired by the emoji you sent me."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"If you could time-travel back to any period in history, would your love for me keep you from going?"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

Dating the efficiency expert.

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'