Love Scholar T-Shirts

"My brain can no longer maintain the intense neural activity of infatuation."

'Sorry I didn't call after our first date. I thought I'd go to college, law aschool and work for awhile to impress you enough so you'd go out with me again.'

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"I'm texting you a love poem inspired by the emoji you sent me."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"If you could time-travel back to any period in history, would your love for me keep you from going?"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

Dating the efficiency expert.