Love Statistician Gifts

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

"Have you finished working out whether you still love me?"

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

'Let's get married,Miss Jones and have 2.8 kids!'

Economic Errata

How scientists propose

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'