Love Statistician Gifts

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Can I ask you something man-to-man? Shoot. Let's say person A developed a crush on person B, who happens to be less productive. Let's say person A then conducted a study that concluded there's a 78.9% chance that such a crush leads to dating, then to cohabitation, and finally to person B becoming a a drain on person A's resources. Hypothetically, what's the best way to get person B to compensate person A for the time I ... he ... spent conducting the study? Very bad man.

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

Sexual chemistry set

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'You had me at 'C - R C = (2 x S X).'

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"I had half a date last weekend."

Bank Robbery Statistics

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"I'm not going to lie. This looks pretty serious."

"That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"Have you finished working out whether you still love me?"

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

'Let's get married,Miss Jones and have 2.8 kids!'

Economic Errata

Invent Sales Day