Romantic Statistician Gifts

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Carbon Dating.

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"I know what you're thinking - all I am to you is a vector."

"I love the equation that describes the slope of your nose."

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

Intellectual Foreplay...

"The best place to make black hole discoveries is in the bedroom."

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

"This doesn't have anything to do with the falling price of oil, does it?"

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"The great thing about a science background is I can understand what you're experiencing in biochemical terms."

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

'And do you agree to share any downturn in the stock market with equanimity?'

"I've done the numbers, and I will marry you."

"I see - Gravity keeps the Earth in orbit but love makes the world go 'round."

'Do you promise to brush up on such matters as the Large Hadron Collider?'

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

'Let's get married,Miss Jones and have 2.8 kids!'

'Oh, Denise. I wish we had met when community property laws were more in favor of men.'

"Is it just me? Or do I detect a certain chemistry between us?"

Economic Errata

How scientists propose

"My brain can no longer maintain the intense neural activity of infatuation."

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"It's Alan Greenspan - he thinks we're moving too fast."