Friend Who Is A New Mother Gifts

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Moms gone wild

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'No provision for day care, eh?'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

The Ultrasound.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."