Friend Who Is Pregnant Gifts

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Moms gone wild

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'No provision for day care, eh?'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

The Ultrasound.

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

'Inverted nipple? It's probably just incredibly shy.'