Friend Expecting A Baby Gifts

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Moms gone wild

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

The Ultrasound.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

Baby Shower.