Friend Expecting A Baby Prints

What are you getting for the baby shower? She's got an online registry at some giant baby store. Nice! Then you can get exactly what she wants. And at the party .. Everyone knows exactly what I spent! Better add a few onesies to your order.

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Moms gone wild

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

The Ultrasound.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'