Friends Who Are Pregnant Gifts

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Moms gone wild

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

The Ultrasound.

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

Birth Canal Border Checkpoint