Friends With Pregnant Friends Gifts

The Ultrasound.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Moms gone wild

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

Birth Canal Border Checkpoint

"I told you I don't make chicken soup! I'm a muse, not a mother!"