Friends With Pregnant Friends Pillows

The Ultrasound.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Moms gone wild

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

"I hope you don't mind me asking, Mrs. Gonzales...but how does the baby get out of there?"

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'Which health plan are you on?'