Pregnant Friend Pillows

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'You can't give birth here, ma'am. I don't have a baby seat and I can't risk another ticket on my record.'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"Ahh...my baby has just sent his 1st ever text message....I'm so proud!"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

Moms gone wild

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Childbirth and Covid 19

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

The Ultrasound.