Pregnant Friend Pillows

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Birth Canal Border Checkpoint

'You can't give birth here, ma'am. I don't have a baby seat and I can't risk another ticket on my record.'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"Ahh...my baby has just sent his 1st ever text message....I'm so proud!"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Moms gone wild

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Childbirth and Covid 19

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"