Pregnant Friends Pillows

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Baby on Board

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

Baby Footballer

The Ultrasound.

'How far along are you?'

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'