Friends Who Are Expecting Pillows

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Childbirth and Covid 19

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

The Ultrasound.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'Which health plan are you on?'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

Birth Canal Border Checkpoint

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"