Friends Of Expecting Couple Gifts

'As long as it's got six fingers and eighteen toes...'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Childbirth and Covid 19

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

The Ultrasound.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

Baby Shower.

Birth Canal Border Checkpoint

'You're pregnant?'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"