Expectant Friends Gifts

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Smartphone Sonogram

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Childbirth and Covid 19

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

The Ultrasound.

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"

Baby Shower.

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

'Which health plan are you on?'

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"