Friends Having A Baby Gifts

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Cry babies.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

The Ultrasound.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Baby Shower.