Friend Who Is A New Mom Gifts

Moms gone wild

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Mother Nature

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Fitness Programme for babies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Ugh Not Again!'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

'The Fashionable Mamma, or The Convenience of Modern Dress'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"