Friend With A Newborn Gifts

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

Cry babies.

I will study my speling words...

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Moms gone wild

'Trade you lunches?'