Friends With A Newborn Gifts

Cry babies.

"Looks like Master's been up the whole night with the baby: It's unlikely we'll go for a walk this morning..."

Batman's first Bat Mobile

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"Which one's yours?"

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Who's a cutey?

Moms gone wild

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

The Ultrasound.

"We named him XB32116 so we never forget the Wi-Fi password."

"I couldn't find the off switch."