Friends With A Newborn Gifts

Cry babies.

"Looks like Master's been up the whole night with the baby: It's unlikely we'll go for a walk this morning..."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

"Which one's yours?"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

Moms gone wild

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Who's a cutey?

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

"We named him XB32116 so we never forget the Wi-Fi password."

The Ultrasound.

"I couldn't find the off switch."

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

'I wonder if they've got wifi here?'