Friend With A New Baby Gifts

'He's just been getting the baby off to sleep.'

Cry babies.

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Do me a favor and don't let my dog see my license photo.'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

Moms gone wild

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

'Tell me about your puppyhood?'

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

"Your food line is nice and long, and - oh, my - your squirrel line is all over the place."

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

Dog Training For The Ninties

"They say that every dog has its day, and this apparently is mine."

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up every hour during the night."

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"