New Mom Friend Gifts

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Mother Nature

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

Fitness Programme for babies

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'Ugh Not Again!'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Moms gone wild

'The Fashionable Mamma, or The Convenience of Modern Dress'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'