New Mom Club Gifts

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Whoa

Mother Nature

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Fitness Programme for babies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"I'm so good at this!"

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Ugh Not Again!'

Newborn Chaos

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'The Fashionable Mamma, or The Convenience of Modern Dress'

Moms gone wild

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

'Superbaby...More powerful than an electric breast pump!'