New Moms Club Gifts

"Now that I have a child, I understand the love you have for your dog."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Mother Nature

Whoa

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Fitness Programme for babies

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"I'm so good at this!"

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'Ugh Not Again!'

Newborn Chaos

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Moms gone wild

'The Fashionable Mamma, or The Convenience of Modern Dress'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'