Expecting Mothers Club Gifts

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Cry babies.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Baby name suggestions.

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'