Expecting Mamas Club Gifts

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"The test results show that your baby is healthy, and that she already wants the new iPhone."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

Mums coffee morning

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

Please take a number.

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'He's lookin' at me!'

A Star is Born.

'Sometimes I think you'll be sorry when the baby gets here.'

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"I want the hatchlings to grow up in a nurturing comet free environment."

Out of body experience

'Well, it all started with a group hug.'

Mums at play group.