Expecting Mom Club Gifts

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Cry babies.

Pool attached to child's bed.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"The test results show that your baby is healthy, and that she already wants the new iPhone."

Mums coffee morning

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

Baby on Board

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

Please take a number.

"Six down, three to go!!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'He's lookin' at me!'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Sometimes I think you'll be sorry when the baby gets here.'

A Star is Born.

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"I want the hatchlings to grow up in a nurturing comet free environment."

Out of body experience

'Well, it all started with a group hug.'

Mums at play group.

'This is probably the only time I'll be chauffeur driven and I can't even look out the window!'