Expecting Moms Club Member Gifts

"You're pregnant? Are you sure it's yours?"

Cry babies.

Pool attached to child's bed.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

The Ultrasound.

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Mums at play group.

Congratulations!

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

'Alert the troops I'm going back to work.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

'Which health plan are you on?'

"Pregnant? I just thought I went off my diet!"

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

Ante-Natal Clinic

Husband for Sale- Pregnancy Forces Sale

"Got any cravings?"

'I wonder what causes that?'

"Kids must use technology at an earlier age these days. This stroller comes with a Bluetooth, computer, and a phone charger."

Pregnant lady's shirt says 'Baby' with arrow pointing to tummy, Husband's shirt says 'Blubber' with arrow pointing to tummy

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

Zika Protection

"Now that I have a child, I understand the love you have for your dog."