New Mom Gifts

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Gucci, Gucci, Gucci."

'Ugh Not Again!'

"Just a sec honey...Mommy has to cut this up into little pieces, so the vacuum can pick it up easier."

"I know the baby is in here somewhere."

'I think I understand. You and I are a team and mum is the coach!'

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'Inverted nipple? It's probably just incredibly shy.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"You're tired? HELLO, what about me? I haven't slept since I was born!"

'No offence. The other breast and I seemed to click.'

Mother and baby meets kangaroo and baby.

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

Why there are moms

'Hobbies? Feeding you takes up all my time.'

'I'm so good at this."

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

'That's strange. No ingredient labelling anywhere!'

Kid to mom about baby: 'Was there any assembly required?'

'So mum's going back to work. Do you have to go too??'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"Aww, honey, why the angry emoticon?"

"Who's my little content creator?"

"I bottle fed my two."

"Alexa picked it out."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"Is it just me. . . or does anyone else here have a fixation with breasts?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."