New Mothers Gifts

'Wouldn't it be easier to start preventative check-ups?'

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Late night teddy reading

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Interior design trends for parents....

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.