New Mama Gifts

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

Interior design trends for parents....

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The No No No's

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Mother Nature

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"