Friend Who Is A Mom Gifts

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

'No provision for day care, eh?'

'Inverted nipple? It's probably just incredibly shy.'

"Alexa picked it out."

Mom tries knitting to meditate...

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

Babies holding up 'Happy Mother's Day' sign in maternity ward

'Ahhh...'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

Roe v. Wade

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Moms gone wild

"Technology is for babies!"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Dog Walking and Child Walking.

Tradition v. Reality: 'My client agrees to 'love', but needs clarification on 'honor', and 'obey' is a deal-breaker...'

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

'Look lady. I've been burning my brazier for years.'

"Sorry I'm late, the crosstown is running local."