Friend Who Is A New Mother Pillows

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Moms gone wild

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'No provision for day care, eh?'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

The Ultrasound.

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'