Friend About To Give Birth Pillows

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

Moms gone wild

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Childbirth and Covid 19

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

The Ultrasound.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"