Friday Humorists Gifts

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'I hear we're beginning to cut back to half weeks.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Newton discovers surrealism

I rest my case, your honor, in celebration of "Casual Defense Friday." ! !

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

C.P.A.

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!