Friday Humorists Pillows

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'I hear we're beginning to cut back to half weeks.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Newton discovers surrealism

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

C.P.A.

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."