Festival Humorist Gifts

'I love it when it's sunny at festivals. It makes the mud so much warmer.'

"Got any grass?"

"In case you had any doubts, Holbrook, you're fired!"

"This year I thought it would be appropriate to light a womenoran!"

"Is that all you have to say about my big plan to increase sales in the Christmas period: Why don't we just skip Christmas and go directly to groundhog day?"

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'Yes, all at once!'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"The Eggsorcist"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Radiator jazz player

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Christmas Presents.

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Rap-scallions

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

Double Saxophone

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'