Frequent Traveler Friend Gifts

"Back! Back! Rows twenty and higher only!"

Pre-Flight Check

Flight Information

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"As near as I can figure, we're in the Unpainted Desert!"

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Airplane food

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"How's my tripping you up?"

Business-Class.

"They migrate here each summer."

US Airlines

TSA

'To much orange.'

Palm Pilot. I can't wait until we get to Hawaii --- I've got lots of family there! Tropical Air.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

Free WiFi

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'Great! Now, will that be clockwise or counterclockwise?'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'You're checking in for our flight--you don't have to play max coins.'

'English?...do...you...speak...ENGLISH?'

"We're thinking... this year just send us to whatever country our luggage is accidentally sent to!"

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

Elite-Premium Passengers

"Welcome to Illinois: Land of America's lowest credit rating!"

"So how are things back in economy?"

Baggage Claim