Frequent Traveler Friend T-Shirts

"Back! Back! Rows twenty and higher only!"

Flight Information

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"As near as I can figure, we're in the Unpainted Desert!"

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Airplane food

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"How's my tripping you up?"

Business-Class.

"They migrate here each summer."

US Airlines

TSA

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'To much orange.'

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

Free WiFi

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'Great! Now, will that be clockwise or counterclockwise?'

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'You're checking in for our flight--you don't have to play max coins.'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'English?...do...you...speak...ENGLISH?'

"We're thinking... this year just send us to whatever country our luggage is accidentally sent to!"

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

"So how are things back in economy?"

"Welcome to Illinois: Land of America's lowest credit rating!"

Elite-Premium Passengers

Baggage Claim

"Next vacation, let's leave the chicken home."