Fortunes And Fates Fan Gifts

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

Your Palm

"I see you on a beach..."

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Who's there?"

'This fortune cookie says, 'You will have good luck investing in emerging markets, fortune cookie & Chopstick Trading Company of Singapore.''

'Hey, Ruby, want to give this guy an estimate?'

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

Social median

'What a twist of fate!'

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

"It's curious. No matter how hard I try, I can't find your life line."

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"The wealth inequality is a good lesson, since a bullish portfolio will make you rich, not happy."

'Yahoo! It says 'Your wife is going to collect a large sum of insurance money!''

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

"I see fireworks, I see people celebrating..."

'First, we'll do a job performance preview.'