Fortunes And Fates Fan Prints

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'My crystal ball is in the shop. Pick a fortune cookie.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

Your Palm

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

"Who's there?"

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

"I see you on a beach..."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

'This fortune cookie says, 'You will have good luck investing in emerging markets, fortune cookie & Chopstick Trading Company of Singapore.''

'Hey, Ruby, want to give this guy an estimate?'

Social median

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

'What a twist of fate!'

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

Because I don't need my crystal ball to know what will happen if you don't clean your room.

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"It's curious. No matter how hard I try, I can't find your life line."

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'Yahoo! It says 'Your wife is going to collect a large sum of insurance money!''

Chinese Cuisine. I think that hedge fund manager misplaced his after-meal cookie. That would be the second fortune he lost.

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

"The wealth inequality is a good lesson, since a bullish portfolio will make you rich, not happy."

"I see fireworks, I see people celebrating..."

'First, we'll do a job performance preview.'