Fortune Tellers Fan Gifts

The World Will Not End Soon, So Adjust Your Portfolios Accordingly

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Pie Filling Reader

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'