Fortune Teller Fans Gifts

"I always start the day by reading my horror scope."

"That's the mechanical fortune teller. The ATM is around the corner."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Pie Filling Reader

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'