Funny Fortune Teller Fan Gifts

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger...."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Pie Filling Reader

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"It will be all your fault."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'